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 Obama wipes his forehead at a Montana campaign event in May.
McCain's handlers think they were owned. Photo-analysis suggests that Barack Obama may have been play-acting when he pulled out a hanky and patted his forehead at a campaign appearance in Montana two months ago. And the two lost months may cost McCain the election if the candidate, who is known for his volcanic temper, has a Nixonian moment of perspiration during the Presidential debates this Fall. It's all part of a game of hot potato that the two camps have been playing, trying to stay cool under the constant glare of media scrutiny. Until today McCain's people believed they were going to win because Obama had fallen for the Republican's challenge to visit Baghdad, where the average high this month is 115 degrees. But then the news reported: "No sweat." The confirmation was contained in today's AP story about Obama's suspicously frequent workouts, in which photo-journalists were quoted as saying that: "even when he shot hoops earlier this year with members of the University of North Carolina varsity men's basketball team, they didn't see Obama sweat."
 The report has the McCain campaign in a panic, for what was suspected and feared is now confirmed: Obama is cool, literally as well as figuratively. It's not just that he made the cover of Rolling Stone, GQ and Vibe. They knew McCain didn't stand a chance going one-on-one against Obama for the Metromale vote. That was a given. But it's the image of McCain as a sweaty old guy who turns off Hillary Clinton's women voters they were counting on to win that has them worried.
Sources who did not want to be identified because they are not authorized to discuss the sensitive subject confirm that a hush-hush project code-named "Operation Bikram" has been launched from an inconspicuous office at Republican National Committee headquarters. GOP operatives are simultaneously scouring the aisles of drug stores nationwide to find the most effective anti-perspirant and reviewing comparison tests of moisture wicking underwear. Separately a top-secret team of technicians, specialists in heating and cooling, is ready to move in and take over any debate venue that registers above 65 degrees.  These precautions are all intended to manage McCain's known tendency to get hot under the collar at the slightest provocation. And when really provoked McCain is known to breathe fire and sweat bullets. "It's hard to get John to cool off after one of these incidents," says an old family friend. "But that's why he has been so happy with Cindy, becuase he knows that at the end of the day he'll go home to an ice-cold Bud."  wizinit is the nom de guerre of a veteran diplomat and fan of the late columnist Art Buchwald who writes serious analysis and political satire. If you would like to be notified whenever wizinit posts a new article click on the logo to join Food Tasters For Obama.
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